Well, i dont know where to start. Since childhood i had gone through so many issues, i am starting to hate men. Mine is a small family (dad, mom, elder sister and me). My father was not settled until many years, and we had so many financial problems during childhood .

There is always some kind of problem at home. Later my dad got a job, and financially we were okay, but my dad had an extra marital relationship, and he used to drink daily. He abuused all of us(mom, sister, me) physically and mentally everyday.

My mom is a old fashioned lady, and she used to be calm and she just remained quiet . They used to have arguments and stuff, but my mom is innocent type and she neither cared for my dad, nor us. I love my sister more than anything in this world. I can say, she treated me like a child.

She is just 2 1/2 years older than me, but showed so much maturity.She used to wash my clothes, took care of me like a baby when i have fever. We had very good emotional bonding. In between these fighting’s my sister got married(love marriage). My sister’s husband used to talk so sweetly, and every one thought what a good selection she made. Then they had a kid and every one is happy for them. Then i got married(love marriage), my hubby and my sis’s hubby used to talk nicely too. We used to meet regularly.

I used to think, we didn’t have understanding parents, at least we have wonderful husbands. All of a sudden everything changed. 2 years after my marriage, i went to my sister’s place.

My husband was not there at that time. One night, my sister and her son were sleeping on the bed, and i was sleeping on a mat, next to the bed. My sister’s husband was working, and lights were off and during midnight, my sister’s husband, pulled up my night dress and was feeling my legs.

I got shocked, and scared. I just pulled my blanket tightly and slept still. I just didn’t know what to do at that time. I mean i never expected such thing. Again he pulled the blanket and moved my night dress and felt my legs with his legs. I immediately sat up and ran in to the bathroom and locked. I cried like anything that whole night, i felt so scared to open the door.

My sister didn’t know anything as she was sleeping. I stayed in the bathroom for 3 hrs or so and i guess early in the morning, i opened the door and this stupid idiot was sleeping beside my sister as if nothing happened. I took my cell phone, and slowly opened the main door and called my husband immediately.

I told him everything that has happened. He was shocked too, and asked me to immediately get out from that place and come to him. As soon as my sister got up, i didn’t even said anything to her, what should i say?i told her, i am leaving and i didn’t even wait for her response and left their home.

This incident happened in 2004,I never told this thing to anyone other than my husband for the first 2 years. Me and my hubby stopped talking to my sis’s hubby. I used to talk to my sister normally, but not as close as before. My sister asked me many times, why you and your hubby are not talking to my hubby etc and i never told her anything. In all these years, i had 2 kids, and she had 2 kids, but i completely stopped meeting her unless it is very necessary (occasions).

My sister’s hubby used to behave so normally as if nothing happened at all, i feel so worthless and humiliated. He used to act as if he loves my sister to death. He presents her with diamond necklaces, gold whatever.

My sister is also very happy, and she loves him. Whenever there is a family occasion, this guy acts so politely, brings gifts to everyone, respects elders.He did a big mistake, and i can’t believe he is just acting normally. I am the one who is suffering all these years. I just cant talk to my sister normally anymore. Even my parents used to say, oh your sister’s husband is a very gentle man, he takes care of her like queen, blah blah.

I was not able to take it anymore and after 2 years of this incident, i told my parents what actually had happened between me and this guy. They were shocked at the beginning. They have no choice either way, because he is my sister’s husband, so they thanked me for keeping quiet and not letting her know. But i still can’t digest how this guy is cheating everyone, that is not the real him. He is a very cunning fellow.

As i have told earlier, my parents are worthless characters too, now they dont even care, that i suffered this. All they say is, whatever happened, he is taking care of your sister nicely.. and all that ****.. I feel so humiliated. And coming to my husband, he is a good guy, but due to this incident, he is feeling very insecure and angry.

Whenever we all have to meet, i am struggling in the middle. My husband blames me, if my parents treat my sis’s husband good. See your parents still treat him like god, and all those comments are hurting me.. I am just feeling so helpless. Sometimes, i feel like just stop talking to my sister as if i don’t have a sister, but she is my only sister and i cant let go her. The one thing that hunted me most is, last year while talking to my mom, she said a conversation that happened between my sis and my mom.

It seems my sis said to my mom that despite how she took care of me before marriage, i and my husband are very rude, we are not talking to her husband, and she blamed me for this separation etc.. i still can’t believe how can my sister think negatively about me.

Despite what i did to save her marriage life, she thinks i am the fault.. I know she don’t know this incident, but how can she underestimate me as a sister? she knows better about me than anyone in this world. Why can’t she once think for a moment, why all of a sudden i left that day?

why we stopped talking? why i am hesistant to meet? I dont know, i just feel horrible in the midst of all these things.. I feel like letting go of my sibling relationship..I can’t forget what that idiot did to me, i am the one who is taking all these harsh comments from my sis and husband, though i didn’t do any thing..and the one who is reason for this trouble acts like a king… There is no value for good and truth in this world.. What should i do, i want to end this suffering.. pls advice.

What If Your Girlfriend Or Wife Said This?

You are a guy, and finally your bank account is stuffed with millions. You later spotted her. She was looking gorgeous and mind blowing. Then you said to yourself, I have my pocket full of money so this chic will be mine. All I have to do is flash the cash and the job is done. 

You succeeded with that. The girl is now yours. But along the line, your relationship became stormy. And one day, you were going through her phone, and you read a certain text she sent to someone, telling the receipient how silly and crazy you have been, and the only reason she is stuck with you is just your money. 

Guys how would you react after seeing this text, considering the fact that you flashed your cash to get her? 

This is not my personal experience. Its question to teach a lesson to guys who believe it is wise to get women with money.

There is an African saying: the bigger the heart, the more someone tries to hide it. While some men react to their emotional/sensitive side a little super sensitively, most men react in a distant/aggressive/dominant way to cover up their more gentle side.

By simply approaching things differently you can get to the gentle side of your man:

1. Speak up, he can’t read your mind

Acting like he should know what you are thinking or feeling (if he really loves you) is a waste of a lot of time. You only end up getting more worked up because you think he is intentionally “ignoring” you. The truth of the matter is most men are not that good at “reading” women and even those who think they can often get it wrong. So stop knocking furniture around, banging utensils or screaming at the kids and just speak up.

2. Be calm when you present your grievances

Like I said while he may seem aggressive/dominant, most men (those who are more in touch with their masculine energies) don’t like direct confrontation with emotions that is their Achilles heel. The more emotional/sensitive type will square it out with you and shout his lungs to fitness but most men just keep quiet or walk away. Keeping calm is non-threatening to him, and although you may not get the response you want immediately, at least you’ll be heard.

3. Always think “big picture”

Men tend to look at the significant or important things and get easily turned off by excessive concern over “trivial” matters (of course they are not trivial to us, you know that and I know that) but if you want to get across to him, then start with the most significant or important things and if he hasn’t tuned out yet, you can move on to sweating the “small” stuff.

4. Give him time to think

Do no ask him how he “feels” about this or that and sit there waiting for an answer, that’s a woman’s way of “sharing feelings”. When you get the usual “okay”, “fine” or “well” don’t push and nag. Tell him you’ll give him time to think about it and you’ll ask again later or tomorrow. And then give him time to “think” before he can share or act upon his feelings.

5. When he opens up and wants to share his feelings, let him

Just listen without finishing his sentences for him, interrupting him, trying to interpret what you think he is trying to say, or jumping back and forth from topic to topic. Stay in the moment and refrain from all the other stuff he should have shared many years ago but didn’t. He probably doesn’t even remember it, so what are you trying to prove by digging up buried bones?

6. Offer a viewpoint not advice

When he asks what you “think” he is actually looking forward to your approval on how well he is doing sharing his feelings. The natural “therapist” in us always rushes with advice and unfortunately this same tendency shuts most men down, emotionally. While you think you are being supportive, what he hears is, “If you were smart, you’d know that…”

7. Let him know you appreciate him

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of constantly telling him what he is doing wrong that you forget (or don’t even notice) what he is doing right. Instead of constantly telling him what he is not doing right, do more complimenting him on what he is doing right. When you later “complain” about a “few” things he will know he is not being criticized because he is “not good enough” but you are just not satisfied or happy with that particular “thing”.

8. Take time to share the things he’s most passionate about, like sports

Most men let their emotional guard down when they are deep into something they are passionate about. Just sharing in his passion will most definitely get the two of you more emotionally connected making it easier to share other “emotional” stuff too.

9. Last but not least just be there for him

Let him know you are there for him by being emotionally open yourself. It’s unrealistic to expect him to be emotionally open when you are emotionally shut down or get emotionally overwhelmed.

While constantly arguing with your husband doesn’t make for a happy marriage, your relationship can suffer as badly if you hold back feelings until you finally explode. “We go from being passive to being aggressive, when it’s optimal to be assertive,” says Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. And there are certain subjects that are best to address as soon as possible. Here, experts share their thoughts on nine fights worth starting—and why doing so can actually improve your marriage. 

This is a story sent to us by someone who needs an advice from our esteemed NFC forumites. It is a case of a lady dumped by her lover with their child because she rejected the idea of taking the child to a motherless home. But right now, the man wants a place in her heart again. 

She is confused on what to do about it and wants an advice from our readers. Please, no abusive and hate comments on this issue but just a candid and sincere advice. Thanks. 

Below is the mail. 

I got married to this man, traditionally, February 2010, fixed our white wedding 30th April, 2010, but he decided to turn off the wedding due to some church issues of confirmation in the Anglican Communion. 

I quickly joined the confirmation class immediately in that same church according to the priest of the church in other not to miss the white wedding. After I was confirmed, he refused to fixed the wedding date again.

We never wedded again because I took in then. He stopped me from going to work and I had a baby boy in December 2010. He was so happy that he forgot himself and said all he had hidden in his heart "thank God ooo!!!, you can now go". He revealed that he doesn’t intend living with a woman all the rest of his life. 

I asked him what he meant by that statement but he was shocked. Since then, we started living like cat and rat till the baby was one year and six months. He didn’t buy food again in the house, talk anymore or buy baby food. He started beating me up and keeping malice and all sorts of things. 

The day I tried to know the reason for all these things, he taught me a lesson that mid-night.

Then he abandoned me and the baby. When our house rent expired, I travelled home in April 2011. His people asked him to come, which he did. He told my people that the marriage is over between us and he was asked what the bone of contention was but he said that I did nothing to him. He said his family never supported him since.

To my greatest surprised, he said he will like to go with his baby to the motherless home where the baby can be taken care of properly. My parents objected to that. Presently, my baby is with my mum in Enugu.

Now, as am talking to you, he’s begging my people for reconciliation but my parents have rejected him.

Please, readers advice me on what to do because I never loved him again.

I don't really know how to handle this case cos its becoming a huge problem between me & my wife. I have tried to play it to the best of my knowledge but the situation is not getting in anyway better.

I & dayo have been friends for more than 15yrs. We grew up together those days in Ibadan and fortunately, we attended the same university to study different courses. We were in the same faculty of Engineering but different department.

The university I attended is without school accommodation, so we got an apartment close to eachother & sometimes he comes to my place & I go there too.

He loves Beans a lot back then and he happens 2 b a good cook. So most times, I visited him cos of the beans, laced up with Gari egba @ night.

However, we graduated & I was posted to delta state while he went to IMo state. Even at that, he comes to my place. I served in an oil & Gas company and we had enough money to spend. 

I used to give him enough money those days cos he was given just a small allawe which cnt take care of all his needs.

After our youth service, I was retained & he moved to the uk for his masters courtesy of the little money I made during my service year.

After 3yrs, I moved too curtesy of him & he helped with part of the bills cos he was working and studying then.

He got married and after about a year I got to uk and I did mine too almost immediately.

But lately, I have been having issues with my wife over the closeness between me & dayo. we have a free calls to ourselves on O2 network. So we talk virtually everyday for more than two hour after work. And weekends,like saturdays, we move from weekend free landline to landline call to skype.

Just yesterday my wife warned me to desist from such altitude or face divorce.

Please, I need decent people in the house to advise me. I can't ask him to stop calling me or visiting me. He once told me about his wife having similar problem with our friendship too. We are just normal friends with no string attached.

Do I call both families together to resolve it or ignore the threat from my wife. 

Thanks so much for taken your time to read.

Ever since i got married to my wife things have taken a down-turn in all aspects of my life .I now sleep to have funny dreams,nightmares ;waking up to see different scratches all over my body as opposed to how i was before the wedding .

I discovered things have just been falling apart and business arent just picking up.I lost my banking job and my business is at its lowest ebb.So many prophets have pin pointed my woes to my wife ,saying she belongs to the marine kingdom and shes in my life to render me to nothing and thereafter destroy me and signs to confirm this i have witnessed on several occasions.

I would like to know if this actually happens or is it just some fairy tales that should be jettisoned?If it is,what options do i have ?Do i seek for her deliverance or simply separate from her ?What if she doesnt want to be delivered ?what should i do?

Opinions and please no insults .

I was watching CNN and they were talking about how women plan their lives in terms of marriage.

 Well there was a woman on the show who was saying that the best time for a woman to look for a spouse or a potential spouse is while she's In college because it's at that age and environment that you're most likely to find a man who is, what she called, on the same social and intellectual level as you. According to her, women of this generation have been taught to use their twenties to futher themselves academically and professionally.

 Marriage should be something you seek after later in your thirties once you've achieved all or most of your professional goals. 

But then the problem with such an approach, again according to her, is that women end up marrying a lot later because of their careers and by the time they're well settled professionally they're in their early to mid thirties and have nothing but their careers; and not only that, but they have a limited pool of men from with they can chose from because the men they could have dated, and maybe married, when they were in college are already married and probably with their first child by their early thirties. 

Some people called this woman's advice sexist and regressive because if taken out of context, it sounds as if she's telling college women that they should be preoccupied with getting married instead of furthering themselves. 

Me on the other hand I agree with her. I think that while you're young and in school you should keep your eyes open and see what's out there. I don't think that you should rush into marriage right away; afterall, you're not going to school just to walk straight into marriage and start making babies.

 I'm all for women developing themselves while they're young, but It's also wise not to shut out every guy that comes your way all in the name of advancing yourself in your career. What good is money and a dream job if you have no one to share it with? What's your opinion? Do you agree with the woman's argument? Why or why not?

UNEDITED STORY

My GF was in a relationship when I met her and she admitted it to me, but I was able to dislodge her BF, but she admits that she still feels some little love for her ex- and that I should help her forget her ex-, she feels bad because her ex- didn't do her anything wrong as the guy already knows about us, but she admits that she does love me sincerely and I can conform to that by her actions. 

So now my question is this, does she feel true love for the both of us ? can it be said that she is in love with two persons at the same time ? Please lets debate.. Mature minds only.. Tnx.. Any reasonable advice on how to help her forget her ex- would be appreciated, she wants me to help her forget him ( I don't need advice on S**X please )

I'm 24 years old. I have a boyfriend and we've been dating for 8months. I love him so much, and he loves me too.

However, the problem I have now is my mum. She's based in the UK and has a neighbor she wants me to marry who's 42, single, and very rich. He's also a nurse in the UK.

I've told her about my boyfriend before now and she approved of him. But all of a sudden she called to ask me some questions, e.g what my boyfriend does for a living, I said nothing yet.

She also asked me for his age and I said 30. Next thing she said was she doesn't think I'm in my right senses, that how can I be suffering with a guy that's 30 and doesn't even have where he is earning from? She now told me about her neighbor who saw my pictures and likes me.

She said that he wants us to get married as soon as I agree, that he's coming to Nigeria to do the introduction, then he'd take me to London.

I disagreed totally that I can't marry a man I don't love or feel anything for,and since den she's not been happy with me. She stopped sending me money and calling me.

When I called her the last time, and told her I was broke, she asked if I'm ready to do what she wants and I said no. She then told me to go and collect money from my boyfriend.

For now, my boyfriend doesn't give me money, because he doesn' t have. He is a graduate of business-admin from University of Ilorin and is yet to get a job.

I have no one to turn to. My dad died when I was 3 months and mummy has taken (good) care of me since then.

Please I need advise, I do not know what to do.

Similarly when true love grows at home, the fruits are there for all to see and enjoy.

The proof that you love your partner is not only that you have warm affectionate feelings towards them. The proof is in your actions, words and sacrifice, your willingness to give the best of yourself and your willingness to get nothing in return. We will even desire for them far more than it is within our power to give. This type of heart-felt love is not only visible when we do big things for our mates but in little things. 

Have a listening ear, sometimes all it takes to show that you really love someone is to just listen. Speak encouraging words rather than condemning and criticising; then lovingly and calmingly point out any wrongs they have done when necessary. Look for little ways to always show how much you care.

Many wives want to be their husband’s confidant, he must be free to let you know his innermost being, his deepest fears, anxieties, actions and mistakes, and you want to be the closest to him. Just the act of giving him your loyal support and assurance and letting him know you are his number one fan and stop comparing him with others can get this done. A common mistake women make is to compare their husbands with other women’s husbands and try to change or mould him into the image of their ideal man. The energy and time wasted on this stress and strain the relationship to the point of damage.

One of the simplest acts in marriage is to make sure your slogan is ‘friends for life’. To be the best of friends does not mean couples will always understand each other or always agree on everything. No. There will be countless moments of disagreement but these disagreements should be handled well. Wise couples never allow their differences to degenerate into heated bickering or make them to build a wall of separation.

Don’t talk about the children all the time. Once in a while, leave the children out of your discussions. It’s tempting, but you have to try and talk about whatever it is you used to talk about together while you were still dating. Find ways to look for things to laugh about, giggle together and keep those conversations alive. For husbands, this might be a few minutes of stroking your wife’s hair and just saying she is the best. For wives, this might just be a few minutes of caressing the centre of his head and plastering it with kisses. One mistake married couples make is that they stop dating after marriage. Actually, married couples should continue dating after marriage; in other words, courtship should start afresh after marriage, not the other way round. In general, couples would do well when they revisit adolescent times. Just as dating was an important way to get to know each other and connect before marriage, it a great way to stay connected during marriage.

Early on Saturday mornings, get into the car, run off to some beachside resort or any other nice place just for an hour or so and share a joke, tickle each other, do a hide and seek game all by yourselves. If Lagos traffic will not help make this a reality, your garage, balcony, backyard or living room can do the trick. Once in a while, spontaneously have s**x on the floor of your living room or on the couch or in the laundry area. This little act of recapturing the good old dating days is one of the highest senses of bonding couples would ever experience.

The simple act of making it a point of duty to call your spouse once a day or as many times as possible makes many relationships very healthy. It does not have to be a long conversation; just a quick call to say ‘you were on my mind, so I called to say I love you’; ‘how has your day been? Hope it has just perfect. Sharing the chores will help rekindle romance it may be challenging for a wife to get her husband’s food and her own body ready at the same time for her husband. Marriage is a team effort that requires both spouses working together.

Taking an interest in what your spouse loves to do and doing it together helps to renew your friendship. As your husband is walking out the door in the morning, tell him you can’t wait to have s**x with him that night. This type of anticipation builds up s**xual strength and excitement all day long. It will not only make him more productive at work but also effective in bed.

Ever wondered what it takes to catch a guy's attention? Here are some tricks to make him fall for you.

1. Dress well! There is nothing more unsatisfying then seeing a chubby girl squeezed into a pair of too skinny pants and a shirt that shows belly. It just isn't attractive. Start by finding styles for your certain frame or shape. Every woman is beautiful, but every woman can also dress horribly wrong!

2. Self esteem!  Queen Latifah, for example. A stunning woman, and large. Have you seen her in the red carpet? She struts down that walkway with her head held high and back firmly straight. She's confident with her size, and so should you. Confidence and security are two things that men find sexy and attractive. A woman or teenager who isn't secure about herself tends to give off that same negative vibe. Basically, if you think you're ugly, guys will think that too. Hold your head high, strut your butt, thin or thick. You are your own person - love yourself and accept you, for who you are.

3. Make-up! Don't go over the edge with make-up, guys can't take it! Try experimenting at home to get a good, natural look that enchants the best of your facial features. And think according to where you are going, and what time of the day it is. Darker make-up is used at night, and at clubs. Lighter make-up is used at day, and in the mall or at school/work. Also, find out what colors work best for you.

4. Style! Whenever you wear a low-cut shirt, make sure it does not look trashy, as this may send the wrong message to guys. You can show off your collarbone, but going below the rib-bone is too much. Show off your personality in your clothes and accessories, this will give guys a clear look into how you are as a person.

5. Attitude! Be out-going, but serene. Keep your cool around guys you like, and be yourself. Don't be fake. Faking yourself attracts the wrong species of guy. Having a sense of humor is good too, but know when to be silent, and when to crack a joke.

Nigerian ladies have devised another survival strategy by getting pregnant for childless couples for a fee.

These ladies, called surrogate mothers, have even taken to the internet to advertise themselves to couples who are desperately in need of children.

Surrogacy is a process whereby willing ladies are contacted by either couples or fertility clinics to help carry pregnancies on behalf of childless couples.

It often happens where married women find it difficult getting pregnant or where they have issues with their wombs.

Through medical science, a couple’s sperm and egg are collected and fertilised and then implanted into the surrogate mother who in-turn carries the pregnancy till it is due for delivery. The surrogate mother may then be flown out of the country or kept away from prying eyes and monitored till she is delivered of the baby.

Most of these Nigerian women who registered on www.surrogatefinder.com, have their photographs on the website with assurances to their prospective customers that they would offer effective service.

The website, which listed the surrogate mothers according to their states of residence, also has a breakdown of their data. It also has registered sperm and egg donors with their details.

Lagos state has 103 registered surrogate mothers on the list and this is the highest. The state is followed by Edo with 14.

While Abuja, Nigeria’s capital city has seven of such registered surrogate mothers, Enugu, Rivers, and Ogun have five each. The list further shows that Delta has four surrogate mothers.

Other states on the website include Anambra, Kaduna, Ondo and Cross River with two each and Imo, Akwa-Ibom, Benue, Ekiti, Kwara and Oyo with one each. In Lagos, Ipaja has the highest number at 13. This is closely followed by Ikeja, 12, Lagos Island, 11, Surulere, eight, Bariga, and Eko with five each, Ikoyi, Isolo, Ikotun, Oshodi, and Alimosho with four each.

Igando and Badagry areas of the state have three, Agege, Apapa, Isheri, and Ebute Metta have two each while Abule Ijesha, Ejigbo, Amuwo, Idi Oro, Oworonshoki, Maryland, Jibowu, Ifako, and Egbe have one each. Ruth, one of the registered surrogate mothers, who resides in Asaba and aged 23, said she would not mind becoming a surrogate mother for couples.

She described herself as having brown hair and brown eyes.

She said she is an honest person interested in making families happy.

“I know what’s like not having a child of your own. I want to give you that gift and hope to bring joy and blessing to your home,” she stated in her message to prospective customers.

Temitayo, a 28-year old lady resident in Abuja, said she was willing to travel to any part of the world to have the baby for her customer.

She said: “Since the death of my parents I’ve been working myself to death to take care of my kid sister. If I can be paid to put a smile on the face of a couple who can’t have children and also with the money to take care of myself and my sister, what more can I ask for?”

Another surrogate mother, 28 year-old Joy, said she had seen a lot of couples in churches in search of babies and “I feel bad that some of us don’t want so much but have the ability to bring life when wanted while others do not.”

The lady, who said she is only interested in rendering assistance in that regard, added: “with me and your promise to take care of the baby, your desires are only nine months away.” Loveth, a 32-year old mother of three and resident of Ipaja, said she believes God could use her to answer people’s prayers since it is painful to live without children.

“Just put your trust in God, He will surely do it. Also, I pray in the journey of putting smiles on people’s faces, I will not regret because l am ready to help you,” she said.

Chinyere Maryann, resident in Benin, simply said: “I don’t know what to say but I can assure you that if you choose me as your surrogate mother to your unborn, I will not disappoint you.”

Oke, 27 and resident of Ipaja, said she has black hair and brown eyes. “You won’t regret having your baby with me. I am perfectly healthy…my results show that,” she said.

Faith, a 30-year old resident of Abuja, in her message to couples who need her service, said she was in the business to contribute to producing children for very desperate couples.

“Children bring happiness to homes and since I am not married and can’t afford raising a child, I will be very happy to have that experience of carrying a child that will bring joy to a family,” she said.

Though none of them stated how much she was willing to collect for such service, it was learnt that the couples cough out huge amounts to get their babies through surrogacy.

A fertility clinic staff in Lagos told us that there were several other women who were into it but who are not known to the people in the streets. “First, there is an agreement between the surrogate mother and the fertility clinic and the couples may or may not know who the surrogate mother is, but I can tell you that couples spend millions on this process of having babies,” she said.

—Eromosele Ebhomele, PM News